Weird and wonderful roll titles
What are some of the strangest roll titles you've discovered?

How Could Red Riding Hood (Have Been So Very Good, And Still Kept The Wolf From The Door?) Q T U C I M 4 U Would You Rather Be A Colonel With An Eagle On Your Shoulder (Or A Private With A Chicken On Your Knee?) Melodie by Rachmaninov (original box and roll label - however, the tune was Oyster Rag! I can just see some upmarket matron getting a hell of a shock back in the 'Tweens!) Masculine Women, Feminine Men (my favourite lyric - "You think you're kissing your girlfriend in the dark in the hall.. when the lights come on it turns out to be her brother Paul!") If I Knock The "L" Out Of Kelly (He'll Still Be Kelly To Me) .. "but if I knock the 'L' out of Kelly... well he'll knock the 'L' out of me!" Hi Lee Hi Lo - Chop Suey A La Foxee Trotee I Love My Billy Sunday, But Oh! You Saturday Night (Billy Sunday was a popular 'firebrand' preacher of the time who advocated prohibition, abstinence, etc) I Never Knew I Had A Wonderful Wife Until The Town Went Dry Rip Van Winkle Slept With One Eye Open When Lola Pedals On the Pianola You'll Have To Put Him To Sleep With The Marseillaise And Wake Him Up With An Ooh, La, La All these great titles from rolls in my collection really are examples of the fantastic sense of fun, gaiety and optimism that was prevalent for much of the Pianola Age. :lol:

Weird and wonderful roll titles
I've got My Captain Working for Me Now, Irving Berlin, 1919, I Know Where the Flies go, in the Wintertime. Hal Klassen

By popular request (OK, that's a lie) here's the lyrics for 'When Lola Pedals On The Pianola'. A new theme song for the PPG, perhaps? (Caveat - as you'll find out if you download the MIDI from my website, the music is absolutely terrible and seems to be Kerr's only musical effort, although he was a rather successful lyricist). "When Lola Pedals On the Pianola" (Comedy Song Jazz Fox Trot) by Harry D. Kerr Lyrics sheet for Vocalstyle Hand Played Roll #10754 Played by Caroline Goodman & Herbert Lange Little sister Lola said her life she would devote, To be a great musician, tho' she couldn't play a note. She had some music in her, so she said without a doubt, But the hardest thing we had to do was try and get it out. We got a teacher for her, but he said that he was beat, Until one day he found the music settled in her feet; And now we get some music all the day, From grand op'ra down to ragtime she can play. -- CHORUS She pedals on the player pianola; Morning, night and noon we get a tune from Lola. She won't stop at bedtime and she won't stop to eat; She's filled full of music but it's all in her feet. Poor mother learned to dance the Cubanola; Father staying home and drinking Coca Cola, Since she ped, ped, ped, ped, pedals on the pianola. -- After ten o'clock at night, when everyone's in bed, It's then that Lola gets the records out and starts to ped. And when the music's going all the cats for miles about Come and climb upon the old back fence and help the concert out. Now Mother said the only way to make her work each day, Was fix the pianola so the work would be all play; She fixed the pedals to the wash machine, And now Lola plays a rag until it's clean. --- CHORUS She pedals on the player pianola; Morning, night and noon we get a tune from Lola. She left Sunday School because she said that she feels she can't save her "Sole" and pedal well with her heels. When bill collectors come around Miss Lola Slips into the parlor, starts another rolla, Then she ped, ped, ped, ped, pedals on the pianola. END

There are mostly 1920s titles that were meant to be funny - what about the ones that were meant to be serious but whch it's impossible to keep a straight face when mentioned? Sticking to the 1920s, though, the truly famous Pianola-Lola was Marlene Dietrich's in "The Blue Angel"? Her Lola didn't do Sunday School, that's for sure! Freiderich Hollaender turned out a real cracker with this, as well - just wish I had a roll of it! The English version of the song goes: "They call me naughty Lola, the wisest girl on earth At home my pianola, it works for all it’s worth The boys all love my music, I can’t keep them away So my little pianola keeps working night and day." Nice to know that music kept them so busy... Julian

There are mostly 1920s titles that were meant to be funny - what about the ones that were meant to be serious but whch it's impossible to keep a straight face when mentioned? what, like "Wearly Willie" foxtrot you mean? I've "Repertoire of Moorish and Arabian Music No.12 : Ouverture de Neklablat" on a 65-er. Goddamn awful racket. It's got 3 or four notes that just whine and meander on and on. My cat can play it and is learning to sing it also I think. At least it sounds the same. All I thought was that if that's the overture please skip the rest.

A truly weird-titled roll I have is Scott-Baker's "Dance of the friendly maggots" - apparently meant seriously. Curious all round - the idea that maggots are friendly is odd enough, but to have them dancing as well? Julian

Only friendly maggots dance. Unfriendly maggots prefer to skulk and scowl. I know quite a few unfriendly maggots. None of them dance.

Weird and wonderful roll titles
Play-rite # 885-A Henry's Made A Lady Out Of Lizzie, Played by Edsel Ford ? about the new 1928 Model A Ford Hal Klassen

Wasn't the Edsel a flop when it came out? Andy

Weird and wonderful roll
Well Andy, Edsel died in 1943 and obviously had nothing to do with the car. He was credited with the styling on many Fords and the Lincoln Continental. The words on this roll are quite neat, as the Model T Ford was way out of date by 1927. The opening line is "Lay off people, lay off folks, none of your sarcastic jokes, Henry's made a lady out of Lizzie