eBay's Comedy Offerings
Dontcha just hate the darn thing! Half the listings are from total imbeciles and chancers. I thought this might be a fun thread. Just post the daf-*test*-('") worst "bargains" people waste their time selling - you know, the stuff that is really unsaleable to anyone with half a brain cell. I've just had a look tonight and found these clangers : *QRS Beatles pianola roll £18 + £3.50P+P.....er...you can buy them new from QRS for about £7. Oh, the shame of it all! oh, and over in "no-sale lose your listing fees corner" are these: *Gotterdamerung potpourri by Wagner 99p + £3.50p&p.....lovely, a Wagner medley! *Rock of Ages £2 + £4p&p ......six quid for a hymn roll LOL! *She is far from the land £2 + £3p&p ....a fiver for a ballad song roll...we think they'll be keeping that for the forseeable future then. and in the "shops" these treasures : *12 Artona music rolls £29.99 + £12.50 ....enough money to have once bought a house. Build a gerbil house with the poor quality paper off these rolls perhaps? A bit pricey for gerbil bedding maybe... * £8.99 for EACH of these titles : Thanks be to God, Ballard (sic) Memories No.1, Because, I Shall Come Home at Even, Wait, In an Old Fashioned Town, Eventide.........what can I say apart from "strewth!" and "cor blimey guv'nor!" Go on then....buy 'em all up and prove me wrong! Nah, thought not! OK, post here the worst offerings idiots try and flog on eBay! Happy e-trawling! BTW : these were off of the UK site. You can let us know of any item from any of the other sites : the .com or .au or .de or .ie or dot anything you like really. You can give the URLs if you like. Go find something especially tatty....or one of those "The Modest" or "Thermodist" rolls they talk about regards Adam

comic offerings
Hi Adam, How about the following - http://cgi.ebay.com/115-Player-Piano-Parts-Appear-To-Be-Key-Boards_W0QQitemZ120133700772QQihZ002QQcategoryZ64431QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem The best so far was a few years ago when I lived down in North Devon. The local 'recycling centre' had a box of about 10 88 note rolls. Nothing special but as I didn't have many rolls at the time I thought I'd buy them. I asked (the none to bright son) of the father and son enterprise what he wanted for them, you won't believe it £75!!! There was no way I could convince him otherwise, they are probably still there rotting away in the damp North Devon weather. If he had been sensible he would have had enough money for a couple of pint at the local! Andy (who has probably just paid too much for a Duo Art Percy Grainger roll....

comic offerings
Or how about this one - http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/PIANOLA-PIANO_W0QQitemZ270134277843QQihZ017QQcategoryZ31212QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting Andy

I think this is a GREAT topic and will always be added too...... Besides having a laugh , this topic could also help others out there to be a little more carefull when dealing with ebay and private ads.So lets keep them coming. Ok i do have one story at present but dont have the link to prove it. It was a pianola for sale on Ebay about 6 months ago (in Australia)and the ad read : #This is a very old self playing piano usually called a Pianola.It comes with 60 paper rolls and matching stool.This piano/pianola is well over a 100 years old! and can be played by peddling or power.# When you read the above it seems ok , but then the attached picture was actually one of those infamous 1960's Aeolian spinet player,in fairly poor condition with the glued on wood-look pealing off. In regards to Andys link above, i guess a Painola is a pianola that is out of tune????.....lol

The best offering I ever recall was a few years back : it was so bad I saved the text not one word of it has been changed….. This piano/pianola is in fairly good condition. The piano can be played and is very suitable for a beginner, nursing home or pub. The keys are in bone and ebony. They are all in working order, but it needs tuning real badly! The pedals are all functioning fine. My daughter has played some lovely pieces on it. The pianola part can be lifted out and needs some minor repairs. When we bought it the seller told us that he did not understand the 'mechanics' of a pianola and could therefor not repair it. We have lifted the works out of the main piano and took a good look at them. Three rubber tubes are dried out and broken off. They appear easy to repair. One bellow has come lose of the wooden base, but PVA glue should do the trick. We have not repaired it as I am disabled and that fact takes up all of our spare time unfortunately. All the bellows are in good condition and apart from some butter to lubricate a few of the hammers on the bellows they don't need to be fixed. Pictures of the inside are available if you email me. There were simply too many to put on ebay. There is one song roll with the pianola part. The roll reads '04204' 'The Chocolate Soldier' 'Waltz no2' 'Oscar Strauss'. I believe, the roll is lightly damaged halfway through the song. The piano is sold because my daughter is not only advancing in her studies, but would also like a bit more space in her bedroom. It is a lovely piece which will give someone many happy years playing! Of course I have also seen "Siegfried's Idle" (sic), "Pump and Circumstances" (sic) "Barbour of Seville" (sic) and "Sir Francis & a Sissy"(very sic) but we won't go into that........

Adam Do you remember a couple of years back someone trying to flog the cast iron frame (nothing else!) for a 'pianola' on ebay for some silly amount. I remember it being mentioned in the PPG journal. Must rate as one of the daf-*test*-('") thing yet on ebay. Must confess to buying one or two rolls a year - so it has its uses, and some of the instruments look quite interesting. I bid on a Hupfeld/Ibach last year - I wonder who won it? Cheers Neil

ah yes, I recall it. Mind you, someone wrote on MMD asking for a piano back for a specific piano recently and ended up getting offered one to match! I remember another Hupfeld also a whilke back in a very fine Ronisch piano sold to a complete novice who seemed enthused about his purchase - I wonder how he got on....

comic offerings
perhaps I should advertise the player action from some unknown make of baby grand I have on ebay at a starting bid of, say £250.... Andy

comic offerings
Or how about this one...! http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/pianola-music-rolls_W0QQitemZ330135632875QQihZ014QQcategoryZ31212QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem Andy

yeah, saw those. What a dumb price £35 all-in starting price. Duh! It's a shame; the 4th and 5th rolls from left are interesting post-War Universals made from pre-WWII masters using old Aeolian machinery right before it eventually became Artona. But they're usually worth a £1 or two as a curiosity for the shelf. The paper on these rolls is appalling usually mind you due to shortagges in the immediate aftermath of WWII. To be fair to them Universal DID state this in their catalog ....and also stated that due to paper shortages there was actually no guarantee they could even supply supply the rolls listed let alone at the prices listed. Silver or gold cast spool ends usually. Adam

I've seen, lots of say 180 pianola rolls, usually in shocking condition sold on ebay for AU $ 1200.00. Purchased, it seems, by antique buyers who think they are going to sell them individually for some excessive amount, only to find them torn, damaged or water blown. Like everyone else tho, I'll purchase specific rolls. I once found 7 rolls in good nick in a flea market... the lady seller asked me if I knew what I was buying...she had no idea what they were...$10.00 the lot! :)

ebay comic offerings
Hi Folk, I know this isn't pianola related but the price for this item is just so daft and out of this world that I just couldn't resist sharing it with you! It is a Westminster Bakelite valve radio from the 40s/50s. I know my valve radios enough know that the seller must have been high on something or other when they placed this item!! http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/RADIO-DECO-STYLED-WESTMINSTER-BAKERLITE-VALVE_W0QQitemZ220121262726QQihZ012QQcategoryZ933QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem Andy (in a wet and dreary Scotland)

A few months ago, I recall seeing a Steck pianola on eBay, the seller stating in their listing "... still retains its original gold-painted iron frame." Presumably they thought that iron frames were prone to being lost or mislaid. Who knows?

Hello all - My first posting on this forum. Couldn't resist adding to the list of Ebay 'Bargains'. Again it's not a Pianola but very closely related. http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/QUALITY-STECK-UPRIGHT-MIRROR-BLACK-GERMAN-OSTRUNG-PIANO_W0QQitemZ220124801364QQihZ012QQcategoryZ43377QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem I've often done Ebay searches for 'Steck' and to my knowledge this one has been for sale (at various ludicrous prices) for well over a year. Obviously no-one else can understand what the seller is rambling on about either! Regards, Gary

Gary, You're not kidding! Like yourself, I've frequently seen this one on offer, and find myself truly amazed by the seller's verbosity. I couldn't write stuff like that if I tried.